Advanced Communal Psychology
by astinlopez
Summary: The Greendale Seven's 4th year at Greendale begins with the study group trying to decide what class to take. Jeff has the perfect blowoff class, but Abed's not too sure about it.
1. Chapter 1

Advanced Communal Psychology

It is a new year at Greendale Community College. The halls are filled with 20-somethings who've lost control of their lives, high school dropouts who forgot to study, single moms looking for a new start, and old people slowly circling the drain desperately trying to find something to keep their minds active.

The eccentric professors and bizarre students intermingle for the first time, in many cases, others are returning for another year. With each day they get closer and closer to that nearly meaningless community college diploma. The voice of dean Craig Pelton falls out of the intercom.

"Good morning Greendale! Dean Pelton here wishing you a great year. It's going to be dean-tastic. The rats in the cafeteria are finally gone! Students can now finally enjoy their chicken fingers without fear of roving vicious rodents. In other news, the strange smell by the fountain has mysteriously disappeared over the summer. So that's good news. The south lawn however, is still highly toxic due to Starburns' meth lab explosion at the end of last year. Do not, under any circumstances, go to the south lawn. I repeat, avoid the south lawn. I wanted also, to wish a very special welcome back to Jeffrey! Welcome back Jeffrey, we all missed you."

The Greendale Seven, consisting of Jeff, Britta, Abed, Troy, Pierce, Shirley, and Annie, sit in their usual spot in the library and listen closely as the Dean finishes his announcement. As soon as it's over, Jeff leans in to the rest of the group.

"Ok guys, I think I've found the best blow-off class for this year. Introduction…" Jeff was interrupted by Annie.

"Jeff! Aren't you forgetting something?" Annie had crossed her arms and was looking at Jeff Judgmentally.

"No Annie, I don't think I am forgetting something. I am only one year away from getting enough credits so I can graduate and go back to being a lawyer. I know that this class is the easiest way to do it," Jeff said with wide eyes, hunched over the table.

"Nu-uh you are definitely forgetting something Jeff," Shirley said.

"Well please then. Enlighten me to what I'm forgetting." Jeff leaned back and put his feet on the desk.

"They're mad that you didn't ask them how their summer was," Abed said. Everyone turned to him as he said it. He kept his head down and cocked at an angle. "It's been almost three months since we've been together and you didn't make an attempt to catch up, thus breaking social etiquette. It also explains the crossed arms and pouty lips." Annie made an outraged face, uncrossed her arms, and stuck her hands in her pockets.

"He's right, Jeffrey," Pierce interjected. His voice was followed by eye-rolls and sighs. "You can't just go through life being all business. You have to learn to socialize. Here, let me show you." He turned to Shirley next to him. "Hello Shirley. How was your summer?" Shirley held her purse tightly on her lap and leaned away from Pierce.

"It was fine." She shot him a constant offended glare, which he was apparently completely oblivious to.

"Did you happen to find a new lover during the break?" Pierce leaned in closer to Shirley.

"Oh my god. Pierce!" Shirley yelled at Pierce and everybody at the table echoed her sentiment.

"What? It's just conversation," Pierce said.

"We're getting off track people," Jeff said. "We still have to all agree to take one class together this semester, and I think I know just the one."

"I'd like to let it be known that I did happen to see people during the break. That's right I didn't forget about you guys," Britta said. She leaned back and nobody was impressed.

"You had lunch with me, one time, last week, just so you wouldn't feel guilty today," Jeff said.

"That still counts!" said Britta.

"Anyway, The class I found was Introduction To Film Appreciation." Everybody leaned in to hear more. "It's a total cake walk. All you do is watch movies every class and then write something about it. What's easier than that?" Everybody nodded in agreement except for Abed.

"Oh Jeff, so naïve. Film is much more difficult than people think. It's nuanced and subtle. It won't fit your cowboy-slacker mentality of work," Abed said.

"Oh yeah, well what if I told you that the first movie we'd be watching was Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper?" Jeff said very excitedly. At this, everybody cheered at the prospect of watching Deathcruncher in class. Abed remained still in his seat though.

"It doesn't get any less nuanced than that," Jeff said over the commotion.

"This doesn't make any sense," Abed said. "I've never heard of Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper."

"What?" Troy said. "You've never heard of Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper?" Troy begins to choke up a bit. "You think you know someone."

"No. This must be a mistake. Yeah, it's a mistake. There's no way I wouldn't have seen a movie like that," Abed said.

"Aww," said Annie and Shirley simultaneously.

"It's ok Abed. You don't have to have seen every movie there is out there. This is just one that we've all happened to see and you haven't," Annie said.

"You don't understand Annie," Abed said. He maintained the same facial expression and tone of voice, as if nothing was wrong. "Movies are my thing, just like school is your thing. I watch all the movies I can in the same way that you get A's on as many things as you can."

"Ugh. School is not my thing. I'm more than just a nerd Abed," Annie said indignantly. Everybody at the table averted their eyes and mumbled about how school was indeed Annie's thing. "Screw you guys. I have a life outside of here that you'll never know about." Annie turned her head away from the group and crossed her arms again.

"We all already know that you're a lesbian Annie," Pierce said casually.

"What? No I'm not." Annie glared at Pierce.

"Jesus, Pierce," Shirley growled. Everybody else was disgusted and dismissed Pierce.

"Come on. How was I supposed to know?" Pierce said.

"It's ok buddy. I'll watch it with you tonight so you can find out what you're missing," Troy said.

"You have a copy?" Abed asked.

"Well, no. But I'm sure we can find one by tonight. I mean it is a pretty common movie." Troy chucked awkwardly. Abed slumped over in his chair.

"Dean dong." The dean enters the room and starts rubbing Jeff's shoulders. "And how's my favorite study group doing?"

"Already? It's only the first day," Jeff said.

"Now Jeffrey, you know that I love checking in on all of my students. So what's happening?" The dean asked.

"Abed's upset because we've all seen this movie and he hasn't," Pierce said.

"Oh my, what movie?" The dean asked.

"Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper," Shirley said sweetly.

"Oh I've seen that. You should watch it Abed, it's very good," The dean said. Abed stayed seated in his chair. All eyes were focused on him. He was staring, with his head cocked at the axe marks that were still on the table from the year before. He said nothing. Troy saw that he was distressed and leaned in.

"Hey buddy," Troy said in a not very confident voice. "You doing alright? Everybody's looking at you, you know? You've got that sort of crazy look in your eye." The life returned to Abed's eyes. It was as if he had undone his own trance and was back in reality.

"It's nothing. It's just that I'm no longer good at the thing I'm best at. I have to go," Abed said, still not changing his face or his voice. He stood up and walked out the door past the dean. Everybody watched, concerned as Abed walked out of the room and out of sight.

"So, are we unanimous on the film class then?" Jeff asked the group.

"Yes," said everybody as they packed up their things and left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Abed was sitting on his bed in his and Troy's apartment. He was looking at all the movies lining the walls of his room. He sighed and picked up two of the Kickpuncher movies. "At least I still have you, Kickpuncher," Abed said depressed. As he was looking over his DVDs, Troy came home and walked into the room.

"Hey buddy," Troy said with a concerned voice. "You doing alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Abed said. "Just looking over my Kickpuncher DVDs."

"Really? Because you did seem a bit upset when you left the study room."

"No, I'm fine. I just wanted to come back to the apartment and watch movies, you know?" Troy went along with Abed's explanation. He nodded his head and thought about what he would say next. He didn't want to upset Abed and knew he would have to tread lightly.

"You sure this isn't about Deathcruncher buddy?" Troy said softly. Abed put down the Kickpuncher DVDs he was holding. He remained calm and looked up at Troy.

"It's just a movie, Troy," Abed said. "It's no big deal if I haven't seen it."  
"Are you sure? because you've never not wanted to see something before. We could go find a copy and watch it tonight if you wanted."

"No, I've already checked online. There are no retailers that could ship the movie here in time to see it before class starts," Abed said turning to Troy with his finger pointed up. His head had cocked to the side as well.

"So you do really want to see it then?" Troy said.

"I just want to be prepared for class. If everybody else has seen it then I probably should too unless I want to fall behind."

"Well, I'm pretty sure they're going to show it in class for everyone who hasn't seen it."

"I can't just wait around until then. I have to find a copy so I can stay in the loop." Troy was confused why Abed cared so much but went along with his thinking. He stepped back and looked away for a second then came back. He wanted to support Abed, even if he wasn't sure what he was supporting exactly.

"Where are you going to get one then?" Troy asked. "It's pretty old, I don't think any stores would have it."

"Yes, but did you see everybody?" Abed asked getting more excited. "They all were fans and they all had seen it. Somebody must have a copy. I just have to find out who and get it from them," Abed said. Troy became confused.

"Ok, well why don't you just text everybody and see if anyone has a copy? Troy asked. Abed stood up and grabbed Troy's shoulders.

"I can't do that," said Abed as he walked Troy out of their room and into the living room. "You saw how they were making fun of me. I could never go to them for help." Troy took Abed's hands off of his shoulders and looked at him.

"They weren't really making fun of you. It was just teasing. If you asked them they would help you out. Besides, you never cared about people teasing you before. What's the big deal about this?" Troy asked. Abed cocked his head and stayed silent for a moment. He stayed calm while he thought.

"Nothing. I just don't want them to know about it. Who do you think would have a copy?" Abed asked. Troy gave up trying to get the truth out of him and went along with what he was saying.

"Jeff probably wouldn't. He's probably moved past DVDs now." Abed nodded along while Troy was talking. "I know Britta doesn't have any. She thinks they're bad for the environment or something. Annie doesn't even have all of her furniture yet let alone a DVD collection. I don't know about Shirley though," Troy thought about Shirley for a moment.

"Shirley wouldn't have it either," Abed said. "She's a mom. Even if she did have it, she would have to have given it up when she had her kids."

"That's true. What about the dean?"

"He hasn't seen it. He just said he did to impress Jeff." The two of them thought hard of who else could have the DVD.

"Well, the only person left is…" Troy said.

"Pierce," They both said simultaneously.

"I remember him having a whole room full of DVDs in his mansion right next to the indoor gym," Troy said really excitedly.

"Do you still have a key?" Abed asked. Troy's excitement died down.

"Well yeah, but aren't you just going to ask to borrow it?" Troy was growing concerned for Abed. Abed took a second to think. He didn't want to alarm Troy or make him worry.

"Have you ever tried to borrow something from Pierce? He won't let you. You have to trade him for it." Troy's eyes lit up at these words as he remembered.

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to borrow some of his toothpaste once and I had to give him a pair of my shoes."

"Exactly. So we have to get it from him without him noticing," Abed explained.

"Those were nice shoes too," Troy whispered. He looked off to the side remembering the shoes he had. His faith had been restored in Abed.

"Will you help me then?" Abed asked. His voice wasn't confident. He wasn't sure if he could get Troy to go along with him.

"Sure thing buddy," Troy said. Abed was relieved and they did their special handshake.

Troy and Abed were standing outside of Pierce's mansion. They were both very alert; worried that Pierce might catch them at any minute. Troy pulled the key out of his pocket and put it in the lock. He turned it slowly. Abed stopped him.

"Wait. Are you sure he's not here?"

"Yeah. He goes to the Red Door every Monday to try and pick up women," Troy said as he opened the door. The door swung open and revealed a huge entryway. Abed stood amazed. He had never been in Pierce's mansion before. He looked around for a moment, but quickly came back to the task at hand.

"Ok, show me where the DVDs are," Abed said. Troy led him up the main stairs. Neither of them turned on any lights out of paranoia. Troy felt his way around in what little light there was as Abed followed. The hallways were very long and there were so many rooms. Troy finally stopped and entered the door to one room. He opened the door and turned on the light. Inside was S&M equipment from wall to wall with a chain swing in the middle. Troy lit up with excitement.

"Yay! I love Pierce's indoor gym," Troy said as he leaped onto the chain swing in the middle of the room and started rocking back and forth. Abed watched and didn't know what to say. He tilted his head to the side and watched Troy go back and forth.

"You shouldn't be doing that," Abed said.

"What? Why not?" Troy stopped swinging and turned back to Abed still sitting in the swing. Abed stalled. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

"Because we have to get that DVD." Troy started swinging again.

"Oh, you can just go in the next room and grab it. All of his DVDs are in there," Troy said as he turned away and swung some more. Abed left the room looking concerned at Troy. He walked to the next door and opened it. He turned on the light and walked in.

Inside were walls filled with DVDs and a huge TV in the front of the room. Abed looked around and went to one side of the room to start looking for the Deathcruncher DVD. He heard footsteps out in the hallway and turned around. He didn't hear swinging in the next room so he assumed it was Troy. He stayed silent for a moment then took a step towards the door.

"This'll teach you hooligans to stay out of my house!" Pierce screamed as he entered the room with a baseball bat. He swung the bat wildly and stepped on a trashcan immediately upon entering the room. He lost his balance and fell over losing his bat in the process. "Ok ok, you win. Just take what you want and leave," Pierce said as he rolled on the floor. He turned over and saw Abed standing over him. "Abed?" Pierce said. "What are you doing here?" Abed stared directly at Pierce while he thought, but there was nothing he could say.

"It's nothing. I'll be going now," Abed said as he helped Pierce up.

"Get off me, I don't need your help," Pierce said as he slapped Abed's hand away. "Don't just leave. You can't break into a man's house for no reason, watch him fall over, and then just leave Abed. Come on, explain yourself." Abed collected himself and took a breath.

"Ok. I came here to get your copy of Deathcruncher," Abed said, defeated. Pierce stood for a second and looked at Abed. After a moment he laughed. He laughed so hard that he doubled over and couldn't stand up straight. He regained himself after a moment.

"You're really upset about this movie thing aren't you?" Pierce asked. Abed stayed silent. "You know, you could have just asked for it like a normal person."

"No, I couldn't have Pierce," Abed said as he turned around and started pacing the room. "After everybody else said they'd seen a movie I hadn't I felt a great shame. Movies like this are my thing. It's my specialty in life. It's who I am. Jeff has law, Britta has protesting, Annie has school, Shirley has parenting, Troy has air conditioning repair, and you have all this. I don't have a thing that I do, so I watch movies. It's how I make sense of the world. To be who I am, I have to have seen everything, otherwise, who am I?" Abed turned to look back at Pierce. Pierce walked over to him.

"Oh Abed," Pierce said. He mispronounced Abed's name with a hard A sound as usual. He walked up and put his arm around Abed. Abed looked uncomfortable. "A man can't define himself by one thing. I mean, look at me. I'm a multimillionaire, moist towelette heir, but also a ladies man. We all know who you are Abed. You're a weird kid who likes television and movies. And we know that even though you haven't seen them all. You just have to do what you do, and not care what anybody else might think. That's what I do every day, and look at me."

Abed looked down. He was processing all that Pierce was telling him. "I still would like to borrow Deathcruncher," Abed said.

"Well that's too bad Abed, because I don't have it," Pierce said as he let go of Abed. Abed looked at Pierce. "I never had it. I've never even heard of the movie. I said I did though because that's the kind of thing I do. You see what I mean? I just doesn't matter."

Abed looked very confused at Pierce. "Now get out of my house," Pierce said calmly. Abed walked out of the room and down the hall. Pierce followed. Abed opened the door to Pierce's S&M chamber and saw Troy inside trying to exercise with some of the things on the wall.

"Abed! Did you get the DVD?" Troy asked. Pierce then walked into the room and started Troy. "Pierce!" Troy shouted very startled. "We were just uh, got lost, and then uh, ended up in your indoor gym?" Troy said clearly making it up on the spot. He had dropped what he was looking at and was starting dumbfounded at Pierce.

"Get out of my house Troy," Pierce said calmly again.

"You got it," Troy said as he and Abed walked quickly out of the house.

Troy and Abed made it back to their apartment and were sitting in their living room. Neither one was saying anything, until Abed broke the silence.

"Do you think of me as just someone who watches a bunch of TV and movies?"

"No man, there's more to you than that. I do live with you, you know," Troy said jokingly. "Do you want to watch Kickpuncher again?" Abed paused for a moment to think.

"That would be nice," he finally said.


End file.
